blah.

why?

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty in the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

But I did my best, but it wasn't much

I couldn't feel so we tried to touch

I've told the truth I didn't come to fool you

Even though it all went wrong

I stand before the Lord of song

With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

failure to miscommunicate

ok, so i have had some folks ask about this last post.

yes i still work at the church. sorry if you got that impression. i was just updating my life over the past two months.

hopefully this will eliminate the confusion. that is all.

well.

well i've handled more in the past few months than i ever cared to endure.

can i say that i honestly didn't know what i was getting into? yep.

can i also say that i acted out in faith? yep.

weighing the two questions, however, i would consider the latter of the two to be a greater accomplishment.

so what if i have struggled. so what if i have been through tough times. who am i to complain? its not that i dont focus on the bad things in life but rather i use those bad times to turn to the Lord. i find the promises in the bible that i know, but dont believe, and i finally stop being fearful and trust those promises. God tells me he will never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6) and he tells me that He will lift me up in due time (2 Corinthians 1:5). He wants me to realize that I am weak so that i can become strong (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). im not saying that i never get down when things dont go the way that i want them to or when i struggle, but its comforting to know that God's glory can and will be shown in my life if i put my full trust in Him. its a choice that we must make to choose a lifestyle in complete devotion to the God who plans out our lives. that great promise in Jeremiah 29:11 should suffice. life is tough, but great is He who is in heaven because he has overcome this world (1 John 4:4). thats what we push for. living a life worthy of the gospel. Jesus suffered, but overcame it all! and i can't give the excuse that its because He is God. yeah, He is, but he was tempted in every single way that we were but was without sin. we have the Spirit of Christ in us, so we also can overcome sin, temptation, hard times, and anything else thrown at us. Just trust (Psalm 9:10).

when all is said and done, i have acted out in faith. i have spoken nothing but truth and acted in response to that truth. i have tried my hardest, the hardest my sinful, imperfect human body can try, to handle and accomplish tasks (whatever they may be) to the best of my ability.

do i wish things would have been different? sometimes. do i wish i would have responded differently? sometimes. but has all of this happened because it was supposed to happen this way? rhetorical.

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28